Check your balls! When you look at that title, most of you probably thought that I had finally lost it, I had gone over the deep end, or maybe you wondered how I knew that your wife just went Bobbit on you. Well faithful followers it was none of the above. I am speaking of the danger of testicular cancer.

        Since we live in a world where females have taken away most of our manli-hood and not many men are willing to grab it back, most men do not know of testicular cancer or even that you can check yourself for it, much like women give themselves breast exams. I see commercials all the time about how women should check themselves once every so often for a lump on their breast. Why don't I see commercials about men checking for lumps on their testes? Not only are men more important than women and we should get the commercial time, but testicular cancer strikes men at early ages and is an extremely fast growing cancer, more dangerous than prostate cancer! Why is it more dangerous you ask? When was the last time that you, the man reading this hoping to suck the teet of my knowledge, actually felt the shape of your balls?

        Never I would reckon. Not even during our morning scratch do we ever think much more than, oh there they are, good to see she didn't chop them off last night. We men value our balls, almost more than our lives, and yet we can be so naive to something so dangerous to our two buddies. Another reason that we men don't talk about testicular cancer is we happen to be very prideful. If something is wrong with our balls we would really prefer no one know about it. Not a doctor, not the family, not anyone. It is an unspoken shame among men to have something happen to your balls.

        This is why I feel, as the self proclaimed bringer of truth to all men, that you need to know that there is a danger to your balls, and that you, the young man between ages 16 and 24 especially, need to know this evil, and learn the proper method of bringing medical justice to something that would attack your most precious resource. So I give you the proper methods of self checking for testicular cancer, taken from the testicular cancer resource center!

• Stand in front of a mirror. Check for any swelling on the scrotal skin.
   

• Examine each testicle with both hands. Place the index and middle fingers under the testicle with the thumbs placed on top. Roll the testicle gently between the thumbs and fingers -- you shouldn't feel any pain when doing the exam. Don't be alarmed if one testicle seems slightly larger than the other, that's normal.
   

• Find the epididymis, the soft, tubelike structure behind the testicle that collects and carries sperm. If you are familiar with this structure, you won't mistake it for a suspicious lump. Cancerous lumps usually are found on the sides of the testicle but can also show up on the front. Lumps on the epididymis are not cancerous.
   

• If you find a lump on your testicle, see a doctor, preferably a urologist, right away. The abnormality may not be cancer, it may just be an infection. But if it is testicular cancer, it will spread if it is not stopped by treatment. Waiting and hoping will not fix anything. Please note that free floating lumps in the scrotum that are not attached in any way to a testicle are not testicular cancer. When in doubt, get it checked out - if only for peace of mind!

        Now I await the deluge of hate mail saying that I am gay for putting up things about men's testicles. Not one mail will I get telling me thanks for the tip, that you did not know about testicular cancer and how it could effect men so young. This is a thankless job, but someone must bring you the truth, whether you like it or not.

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