I was surfing Red vs Blue the other night, and I ran across this picture.

                    Now needless to say, this kinda pissed me off. I'm going to go on down one by one and say what makes me hate each reason.

        1) Tell her you admire her. In the words of my Pastor "I did not marry her for her brain" (speaking of his wife).  What is there to admire? Look at your girl, most likely you have only been going out a month or two. What do you admire aside from her body? Do you really care about her brain? Didn't think so...

         2) Always tell her you love her at all times. At all times? Couldn't that get somewhat annoying? After a couple hundred "I love you"s in a row, don't you think its time to back off a little? Before she cuts your tongue out or something?

        3) When she's upset, hold her tight. Lets see... you cheat on her, and you hold her tight. This won't help. In fact it might hurt... you. After all, do you want her to be in any proximity of your genitals lest she go Bobbit on you?

        4) Pick her over all the other girls you hang out with. You hang out with girls? I know they're attractive and all... but hanging out with them? Like you would hang out with your bro's? You just crossed into the homosexual zone my friend.

        5) Play with her hair. Why? It's hair, I don't know what you find so special about it. I got hair. Only difference between mine and girls is I don't put all that stinky smelly junk in it.

        6) Pick her up, tickle her, and wrestle with her. Once again, why? I don't know a single girl that likes any of these 3 things. None of these will lead to intercourse either. In the words of Peter Griffin, " We all know that no woman out there wants to have sex with anyone, and to titillate us with any thoughts otherwise is just bogus."

        7) Just talk to her. When was the last time a woman had anything important to say? That black woman who sat at the front of the bus when she wasn't supposed to? She never said anything important. If she did it would have been in the history books. Only men have important things to say, because we are the only ones that count.

        8) Tell her jokes. Tell a woman a joke? You have got to be kidding me. Women don't have the physical capability to understand proper joking. How would a girl react if she asked what you did today, and you answered, "Your mom." She'd probably accuse you of cheating before she realized it was joke.

        9) Bring her flowers just because. No! You know how expensive flowers are? For the love of Pete its like 20 bucks for a single rose anymore. Pick her a dandelion for Christ's sake!

        10) Hold her hand and run. Did you just knock off a liquor store? No? Then don't act like a mentally retarded midget.

        11) Just hold her hand. Why? Are you and her so insecure that you can't stand to be apart for more than a few minutes and you must hold hands constantly? Yeah, I thought so...

        12) Throw pebbles at her window at night. I don't even want to fathom a guess at how throwing rocks at people's windows made this list...

        13) Let her fall asleep in your arms. What happens when I fall asleep? Am I supposed to sacrifice my comfort for her sake so she can sleep on in my arms? I don't think so. If you don't let her sleep in your arms, you don't have to wake her up when you want to go to sleep.

        14) Sing to her, no matter how awful you sound. Don't sing to her, no matter how good you sound. Most girls don't go for this anymore, unless you have money and money, and more money. Then they will go for almost anything.

        15) Get her mad at you. Then kiss her. Once again, what was the idiot who wrote this thinking? Your going to get her mad, then get yourself within striking distance? Women don't forgive and forget, they kill when mad!

        16) Give her piggy back rides. Push her on swings. I put these together for the same purpose... ARE YOU FIVE FREAKING YEARS OLD?

        17) Tell her she looks beautiful. Women are conceited enough as it is. Tell her she's ugly, and she should be thrilled to have you. Maybe it will humble her a little.

        18) When she's sad, stay on the phone with her, even if she's not saying anything. No way, If we try talking on the phone and she don't talk, I'm hanging the phone up! I got stuff to do. I am way to busy a man to sit down and listen to silence on the phone. Suck it up woman!

        19) Look into her eyes and smile... Just before you burst out laughing because you realize that looking into her eyes, is like looking into a dry well. Nothing there!

        20) Kiss her on her forehead. With all that makeup that girls put on nowadays? are you kidding me? I'd have sinus problems for a month!

        21) Slow dance with her, even if there is no music. How bout this, go make a sandwich and pie, and we'll consider the kiss on the forehead?

        22) Kiss her in the rain. This could be fun, give her the deepest, most romantic kiss you can, then, while she is lost in the glory of it, shut the front door on her and lock her out, leaving her there in the cold rain. This would almost be worth the sinus problems...

        23) And when you fall in love with her... tell her!!! Why? So the woman can attempt to exert more control over my life than she already has? No way. She'll cheat on you soon enough anyway. Just wait for it.

        I know, most of you were thinking I was going to write a post on how there is a war on Christmas yadda yadda. I probably will, just not right now. I found this and I had to tell the world that love does not come from these things. Love grows, slowly, you don't just fall and oops, your in love. Love is not doing a single one of these things, Love is sacrifice, compromise, and unconditional. It is not a noun, it is a verb. If you love someone, you will sacrifice for them, compromise with them, all unconditionally, that's what makes me so mad about stupid things like this.